i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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