I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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