The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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