we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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