i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
