just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
