dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Randomize
