I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
