I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
