At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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