My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
