morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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