Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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