I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
