Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
