It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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