Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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