cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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