next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Randomize
