no, he came in my armpit
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Sacagawea was the original milf.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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