i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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