oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
