the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I can't turn off my feet"
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
