glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
