OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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