The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Randomize
