Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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