When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
