I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
