Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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