He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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