I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
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