M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Randomize
