do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
