So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
