My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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