shes about as inviting as chlamydia
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
