I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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