Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
