Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
