When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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