so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Randomize
