i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
