I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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