my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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