my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My breasts were aching with rage.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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