hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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