best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
