I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
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