i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
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After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
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You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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