guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
