Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
