if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
