I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
