I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
