Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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