i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
The struggles of a small town man whore
Floor bacon is actually really good
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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