I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
