Do you still have your period?
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
