Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
