I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
