the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
