there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Randomize
