She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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