that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
soo... how was my night?
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