i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
