I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Randomize
