I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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