Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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