No awkward lesbian experiences without me
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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