I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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