Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
