Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
