i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
