Kiss
Puke
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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