wanna go halves on a baby?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
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